And So Kyoya Loved Him
by 96qutie
Summary: This is an alternate version of the cannon universe, so some stuff will be right in line with cannon, but when I want to depart from that, I will take creative license. So be prepared.
It all began so slowly.

Some people say that the line between loving someone and hating them is so thin it's hard to tell the difference. I never really believed that, before. But I'm starting to change my theory.

"Hey Kyoya, I just had the most brilliant idea!"

I think it might have started then. But I can't be sure… Maybe it started when he played the piano. Maybe when I realized he was the only person who'd ever seen through me, in all this time.

Maybe it was when we met.

Looking back on it… it's hard to say.

But one thing is certain. This isn't hate.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The day wasn't different than any regular day.

Classes had wrapped up, and all of us in the host club had gathered in the music room like usual. I would have preferred to be working already. We didn't have any guests, and the budget needed to be balanced again, taking into account the upcoming school auction.

But Tamaki insists.

"Kyoya, we all have to stand together for the start of the guest rush." he says. "When girls walk in they need to see the boys of the host club displayed before them like a bouquet of fine flowers."

I adjust my glasses skeptically but don't argue.

What the girls didn't see, was that before they opened the doors, all of us just stand around talking in an awkward group.

"Hikaru about that game…"

"Hey Takashi do you want to walk to get ice cream after this?"

"Sure."

"What flavor do you want to try?"

"We'll go to get ice cream with you!"

Tamaki looks possessed to join in as well, when he finally notices me staring at him. I had been trying not to do that, but it was difficult when I was this close. His hair… his eyes…

I look away before our gazes met.

"Hey, Kyoya," Tamaki smiles up at me. "Can I come over to your place after school today? It's been a long time."

"It has," I allow, pushing up my glasses distractedly. "But I had rather thought that ice cream excursion was turning into a full club event."

I don't know why I say this. Maybe out of concern for him? He loved when the club did things together. Especially outside of school. I knew he wanted to go, and maybe I wanted him to be happy.

Tamaki grins. "After then?"

I finally look at it him. It was more difficult when he was smiling like that, but at least this was real smile, not a host smile. I had learned to tell the difference, but you know what was funny?

Even hosting, the genuine smile was far more common than people thought.

"All right, but why?" I say, "Coming to visit your kotatsu one last time before I pack it up for spring?"

Tamaki's eyes start to gleam. "You haven't packed it up yet?"

I show no reaction.

"I wait until cherry blossom season. Which is awfully soon, come to think of it…"

Tamaki laughs.

"Then yes, I'll come to see it. I can play you the new piano piece I've started working on too! You're sister always likes it when I play around the house."

My sister wasn't the only one.

"She would like that," I say, and pushed my glasses up again.

That's when I hear the door start to creak open… it a strangle timid way.

All of the hosts straightened and turned towards it in perfect formation, as if we were all show dogs, with excellent training.

In a way I suppose we are.

"Welcome."

We all say it, but as we do my eyes fall on the strange homely person that has just walked through the door.

My mind takes a moment to place them, but of course I will. I know everyone in this school.

"Oh, wow, it's a boy," the twins say, and I hesitate.

How strange… boys never come to the host club. I mean of course they don't. What would people think?

My own stomach knots at the thought.

"Hikaru, Kaoru." I say when I get a second look at the student. "I believe this young man is in the same class as you, isn't he?"

I wait for them to confirm it… something seems off.

"Yeah, but he's shy," they protest in unison. "He doesn't act very sociably, so we don't know much about it him."

Suddenly the image before me clicks with one in my mind and I remember.

Suddenly I can't help but smile. A boy indeed.

I should have known immediately.

"Well that wasn't very polite." I say, because suddenly I can't help but play into this enormous joke I see unfolding before my eyes. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Mr. Honor-Student."

Suddenly Tamaki leans forward.

The honor student seems to be trying to escape, but Tamaki doesn't notice as he starts in.

"What?" his eyes are wide as he stands up. "You must be Haruhi Fujioka!"

Apparently he knows the students in this school almost as well as me.

The honor-student seems started. Apparently, people don't usually know Haruhi's name automatically, but of course those of us here do. Because it serves our interests. However, maybe Fujioka is just startled all together, because Tamaki's affirmation that being an honor-student is incredible doesn't seem to comfort the homely little mouse.

I straighten as Tamaki gets up.

He's already in full form I can just tell. I wasn't expecting this whole thing to start to abruptly in front of me today.

I make some glib comment, something about how the honor-student must have worked terribly hard to get to this school, considering the commoner status dragging down any possible application.

I don't know where the comment came from. It didn't make me feel better, but no matter.

I'm not jealous. That would be a waste of my time. Tamaki is always like that. Just not with me. Which… is more of a compliment to our friendship, if anything.

I roll my eyes. Tamaki's speech about the honor-student is just about more than I can take right now.

Then one phrase re-captures my attention.

"I never thought the famous scholar…" he says, "would be so openly gay."

I try not to react in the slightest.

Why does that world make me feel cold the way it does? Am I still so far from accepting this? Maybe it's just because it's him saying it… but if anything I should be happy.

Tamaki hardly reacts, hardly seems bothered, by the idea that he would have a male guest who would want him. It's as if it's no different to him either way. That should be comforting to me…

But all I can think is that he is awfully french- even for a halfer.

I'm startled back to awareness by the sound of something crashing.

Oh… the renaissance vase.

The twins are already harassing the commoner about it, and I'm oddly pleased, even if it puts a substantial dent in our budget.

So the commoner already screwed up.

I walk over, and pick up a piece of pottery, moving it between my fingers.

"So what do you want to do, Tamaki?"

Tamaki throws himself down in a chair like a king, and crosses his legs.

"There's a saying you may have heard Fujioka," Tamaki says, pointing a finger condemningly at the commoner. "When in Rome you should do as the Romans do."

I raise an eyebrow. Where is he going with this…

"Since you have no money, you can pay with your body,"

I stiffen.

"That means starting today…"

I swallow.

"You're the host club's dog."

I take a breath.

The dog? This is not good news for me either. So the commoner is staying around huh? Never before in the Host Club have we had a member who wasn't one of us. Even if being one of us was a strange quality that was mostly determined by Tamaki's preferences.

One thing was for certain, though. We'd never had a commoner… and we'd certainly never had a girl.

~.~.~.~.~

"Tamaki," I say, later that afternoon as we ride in the back of a car to my home. "Are you certain about this commoner working for us?"

"He owes us the money," Tamaki replied breezily, "And it will help out to have someone to run errands for us, don't you think?"

I'm quiet.

"Well… it is somewhat of a distraction from our…" I consider for a moment. "Aesthetic."

"I plan to work on that."

"Do you?" I don't particularly like the sound of that, as I stare out the window.

"Don't worry, Kyoya." Tamaki touches my shoulder and turns me back to look at him. The touch seems familiar and it makes my chest ache oddly. "Trust the king, all right?"

I stare into to violet of his eyes.

"Of course, Tamaki."

~.~.~.~.~

The next day is busy.

We're full to the brim with customers, and Tamaki sent the new dog out to get some odds and ends from the store.

This was a mistake of course. A commoner doesn't know how to shop for what Tamaki wants, but considering it may save us some money, and because I have no desire to help the dog with her job, I leave it be.

When she gets back everyone gathers around.

She seems to have purchased cheap commoner's coffee. Surprise, surprise.

What actually is surprising though, is when Tamaki makes a sort of event out of it.

"I will drink this coffee," he announces, like it's a challenge, and though I'm highly confident the powdered coffee won't harm him, I'm a little uncertain about sharing it with our guests.

However I don't stop it. Nature must take it's course, after all.

Tamaki is distracted today.

I'm not the only one who's noticed. His guest, seems miffed with him as well, seeing as she's rather an attention hog and has always had slightly high expectations when it comes to Tamaki. I've never liked her because of that, but when I see the look on her face as Tamaki's eyes follow Haruhi, I can't help but feel like I relate to her.

That in of itself turns my stomach.

Tamaki is trying to teach Haruhi something. He's going to turn her into a gentleman, he says, which is, of course, endlessly ironic from my purview.

She isn't liking it though, and I am mildly relieved to think she hates him.

However, I've been there. I've hated him too. It doesn't me she won't love him in the end.

I try to ignore it.

There's a commotion then. Oh. They finally noticed Haruhi's face. That's right. A feminine face on who they assumed was a boy must be startling for them. It lead to me have to call in Tamaki's personal hair stylist, who is quite expensive especially when asked to come to a second location. What can I do though? Tamaki is the king.

Once Haruhi is dressed and made over, much time later, she comes out of the dressing room.

Even in a boys uniform she doesn't fool me. Of course Haruhi is a girl, but I play along. I'm not sure why…

Maybe because as long as Tamaki thinks Haruhi is male… she has no better chance with him than me.

That doesn't stop Tamaki from calling her cute though.

I turn away.

It the next day that things really start to get out of hand.

Tamaki dotes endlessly on Haruhi, and between me and his guest, there is so much jealousy in the room I can taste it, and I can't deny anymore that her and I are the same. The only substantial difference being that I am much more controlled than her, and it is unlikely anyone can read my emotions off of me the way I can off her.

So maybe keeping Haruhi's secret isn't helping me after all.

The guest starts bullying Haruhi. I notice but do nothing.

I can control my emotions enough not to harm her, but not enough to rescue her.

I'm neither that cruel or that kind.

Haruhi skips out on the end of the club.

I see her leave, it's because of the bullying, but I say nothing. That is, until Tamaki starts hunting around.

"Has anyone see Haruhi?"

My fingers on my laptop still.

I should say nothing. I should, but it would be unlike me and Tamaki would notice.

Of course I know where she is. I notice everything.

"Try outside by the pond." I reply. "He left the club a bit early today."

Tamaki frowns. "What? That's bold for a commoner! After how gracious we've been!"

I'm silent and keep typing. Tamaki mostly talks to himself as he storms out of the room after her.

I try not to notice the way my throat feels dry.

~.~.~.~.~

No one notices my bad mood over the next day. Of course, that's by design.

I control myself perfectly, I am an elegantly crafted facade at all times.

No one has ever seen through that, let alone cracked it. Except…

Well there was Tamaki.

I hope he doesn't do it again as I sit and type at my table in the corner.

Then again, I hope desperately that somehow he'll notice.

Of course he doesn't though, because he has his distractions.

I haven't been Tamaki's sole focus since we first became friends.

I almost don't notice as a commotion breaks out in the middle of the club.

What on earth? Oh… the princess has gotten horribly desperate, and of course makes entirely the wrong play. Blaming Haruhi for attacking her?

I stiffen.

Perhaps my little joke has gone on for too long. I had better tell them…

But it's too late.

"Haruhi is not that kind of a man."

Tamaki doesn't for one second believe the princess. Perhaps he's seen what's been going on just as I have.

That's the thing with Tamaki. It's impossible to tell if he sees everything or nothing. Or how he can somehow pull of both at once.

Still…

When I'm asked to get Haruhi a uniform, I decide it's time for my joke to be over.

"This is the only uniform we have," I lie as I hand over the bag. "Sorry, but it's better than a wet one, right?"

"Thanks guys," she say, peering perfectly comfortably at the garment in the bag.

I smile.

I watch carefully as Tamaki walks over to the dressing rooms, my eyes watching his face.

I wonder what his reaction will be.

He pulls open the curtain.

"Hey Haruhi, I brought you some towels-," he stops.

There it is.

The curtain falls closed.

"Hey, Haruhi?"

"Yeah?"

"So… you're a girl?"

"Biologically speaking, yeah."

I cover my smile by rubbing my chin.

Tamaki's voice doesn't even sound human.

All of us stand there, staring at Haruhi the female host. Tamaki looks pale.

"I don't really care if you recognize me as a boy or a girl. It's what's on the inside that matters."

I'm quiet at this.

I wish gender didn't matter, but of course it does. What a tragically beautiful ideal that this girl sees, but will never be right about. Not in my world.

"I thought you were really cool earlier."

These words bring me back.

Tamaki looks at Haruhi, and he instantly turns so red it's startling, and something inside me breaks and stabs into all the tender parts of me that I didn't know existed until now.

I swallow it down.

Oh… Oh I see. So it's her, huh? It's going to be her.

I had always wondered who it would be.

I force a smile.

"Now I may be wrong," I drag the words out of myself, with a cheeky nonchalance. "But I think we're witnessing the beginnings of love here."

Tamaki turns impossibly redder and I have my answer.

I wish I was the normal sort of person that could be sad about it, that people could know that I was.

But I'm not.


End file.
